My wife is a wonderful woman; no day passes that I don’t thank my stars that we’re married. She brings so much joy to my life. However, just a few months into our marriage, something came to my attention: I discovered that her car had a way of being ‘out of service’ every time, all the time.
Initially, I was mad: I’d caution her lovingly, but sternly: “Why did you ignore the check engine light?”
“Why didn’t you remember to put gas in the car when it was clear that you were running into reserve?”
“Why didn’t you hear – and bring to my attention – the persistent noise the front left tire is making?”
Etc.
There were always answers that managed to keep my anger (more of surprise, actually) at bay. I usually wondered: “Why would anyone play with their cars? Isn’t a vehicle (and housing) supposed to get maximum attention, being the places we spend most of our lives?
All these fell on deaf (or rather, semi-deaf) ears. My loving wife tried to improve (I’m sure she did) but somehow, things never (really) worked out.
In the end, I had to devise some strategies that worked for me, brilliantly. These strategies will also work for you if your wife only enjoys (or endures) driving – and not the responsibility of car ownership.
Notes for the Active Feminists
This article does not seek to demean women, nor does it imply that women are in any way inferior to men. It only highlights how to cope with women’s innate challenges. Men also have a ton of them, including being able to fix a faulty spaceship but not being able to locate the jar of milk in a 300-liter refrigerator 🙃
Please, read with an open mind (and remember that I fully acknowledge that some exemptions exist, here and there, even if statistically insignificant).
Article Outline
Tired of Car Fights? Here’s How to Keep Your Wife & Car Happy
There’s no need to make the mistakes I initially made when I got married. Here are solid tips to ensure that your wife, your car, her car, and importantly, your mental health are all in the best state possible.
1. Drive Her Car, Frequently
Most husbands whose wives own cars are focused on their own cars. Like determined bachelors, they’re eager to help with washing and maybe, an occasional glance to the hood but that’s it.
This is a recipe for disaster – in most cases.
If your wife won’t be bothered about vehicle maintenance and is all too happy to crank, engage the vehicle in drive, and zoom off, make it a point of duty to occasionally drive her car.
For me, I decided on the weekends (which is a time she doesn’t need the car and I’m less busy).
So. on Saturdays and Sundays, I park my own car and use hers for any commute I have.
The essence of this is to listen to the engine note; to watch the rev count and generally, to pick up any telltale sign that something is off – a sign she may have missed through the week.
During the weekend too, I make sure that I take the vehicle to the freeway and open up the throttle. My wife is easy on it and keeping the motor that way is inviting unnecessary carbon build-ups.
When I detect anything that needs attention, I work on it right away through the remainder of the weekend (or schedule it for the next weekend, if it isn’t critical).
99/100 times, I don’t bother telling her what’s wrong or what I picked up. She’s also happy NOT to ask – but I suspect that anytime she sees her car up on the stands after a ‘weekend trip’, she knows that I’ve picked up something that she didn’t.
As a husband, make this part of your duty not only to your wife but to your family (if she gets in a challenge while driving, remember, your whole family will be negatively impacted!)
If the weekends aren’t perfect for you, choose the best time that works for both of you – and make certain to pay attention, while at it. Remember, you also have a hard time figuring out where the milk jar is in the refrigerator (or where your shoe laces are). Don’t be too hard on her!
2. Encourage Here, Don’t Condemn
It’s easy to wonder why someone would drive the whole day without as much as glancing at the instrument cluster.
Being a DIY mechanic, I keep one eye permanently on the cluster while I use the other for driving. But, this is because, cars interest me and I genuinely look forward to driving, all the time.
I also do this because, despite being an auto DIY mechanic, I value my time and know that the best way to handle a situation is to prevent it from happening in the first place. Accordingly, I’d rather be drinking beer on Saturdays than bothering with a compromised head gasket.
My wife has none of these motivations – and if I guessed correctly neither has yours…
This is the crux of the matter, PRIORITY.
As you set out to drive with her, encourage her to periodically check the fluid levels, pre-driving – and pay attention to her cluster, every once in a while.
Let her understand, kindly, that these actions may be the difference between coming back home in one piece or being declared missing on the news (especially during tough weather or extreme motoring conditions).
Let her also understand that there isn’t any award for the folks who drive the longest on the little, neon gas reserve light…
It will take some time for her to catch up but eventually, she will start picking. Never stop encouraging her, and she will keep surprising you regarding her capacity for positive change and learning.
3. Help Her Remember, Smartly…
We all forget things – especially things that don’t exactly strike a chord (or resonate) deeply with us. Your wife isn’t an exception in this regard.
Instead of banging your head against the wall and wondering why she doesn’t remember that her oil change is due (or that the tires need rotating), simply install a vehicle maintenance reminder app on her phone, log things yourself initially, and make sure that the app is allowed to actively notify her, at least, a week to when such maintenance is due.
This way, she’ll be reminded of her maintenance well ahead of time and won’t have any excuse to offer again. She’ll then have the option of asking you nicely to help out or taking the vehicle to a mechanic herself – whichever it is that you agree on as a couple.
Alternatively, if you’re feeling very generous as a husband and would love to help out, you could download the app yourself, add up your car (and hers), and handle both, when it’s time for maintenance.
That way, you’re sure of what’s happening and when it happens. Like her too, you have the option of simply helping her do it or reminding her nicely that it’s time to keep her appointment with the mechanic.
This logic/method is valid for both vehicle maintenance schedules and other such things as insurance and general vehicle paperwork.
Summary
Your wife is yours to love and protect – at all times. Sometimes, however, it’s easy to get frustrated and let anger reign, instead of thinking constructively, duly guided by love.
Fortunately, there are ways to help a woman keep up with her vehicle maintenance that isn’t demeaning of her personality or intelligence and I’ve shared three (3) of such methods above.
Any (or all) of the above will work – depending on your unique case at hand.
While you’re at it, remember to think outside the box like I did when I got a specific code reader I was sure my wife would finally use!
If you own only one car, consider reading these practical tips on sharing a car with your wife.
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Throttle Lan
DIY Mechanic and Freelance Auto Writer